Something about Reflections

{{From a thread I tweeted.}}

2017 was the year I got dumped romantically AND academically but I bounced back so quickly that some people mistook me for being strong and feisty when what happened and what is happening now is me actively avoiding relationships and attachments since then.

As I wrote in my thesis about how architects resist the reality of architecture being temporal objects, I reflected on how much safer it is for me to accept that every condition is in temporality and therefore we are in constant liminality. We will always move with time.

My thesis was a reflection of myself in the past and also an implicit symbol of how I am able to move away from my conditions with time and awareness. It’s that one implicit thing about human behaviour that anthropology, a creation of colonial imperialism, tend to ignore.

But this desire to fit humans into a structure, a norm and observable codes is also very very human. We crave the ability to put moments or even our selves into stasis. We want to be timeless enough to deserve worship. We think divinity is eternally unmoving and unchanging. The past is set in stone and therefore fit into how we perceive divinity. But we also yearn to find the secrets to make the future more solid, hence the codes, norms and structure.

Humans are predictable and unpredictable. Complex and in flux. We are the best creation of The Divine and yet we don’t realise that what makes us the best is exactly what moves us in temporality and keeps us in liminality. Our ability to grow, shrink or expand. Or even actively stay.

I guess this was how I survived my anxiety attacks. While I shrink and feel like I can barely breathe, I acknowledge the world still moving and I’m moving with it. Time and my bodily rhythm, my heart and my breathe, move me on and I notice myself expanding and moving on.

{{I hope this can help those who are battling anxiety as I am currently.}}


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